Crazy cable beanies and the north pole

IMG_6261Winter in Chicago means I am in no short supply of inspiration for my next knitting endeavor (also the time of year when i have to remind myself that a really cool knit scarf is never good enough reason to stare at people on the bus), even if, so far, the climate has been unreasonably SFesque (#graciaselnino). And what I’ve seen more than anything–even more than those blankets that people wear as scarves (blarfs)–are beanies. Not just any beanies, but cable knit beanies. So, unable to find a free pattern on Ravelry that matched what I was looking for, I decided to write my own!IMG_6270I know that most of my patterns have been directed at the XX population, so I tried my best to make this one as unisex as possible. To really drive this point home, I asked a frenemy of mine to try it on.IMG_6276This is CJ, and I told him to try really really really hard to look like a hat model.IMG_6307I kinda wish he would’ve tried a little harder.IMG_6312In the spirit of Christmas and making good(ish) beanie patterns available to all, this pattern is absoknitly FREE, and you can download it here or on Ravelry. Enjoy!

As many of you might have gleaned from the recent scarcity of blog posts, second year of medical school has really taken off. There is a wealth of information to learn and/or (but preferably and) memorize, which means I’ve been spending less time knitting in my long johns over re-re-re-runs of The West Wing and more time holed up in a cafe trying to find a good portmanteau to remember which codon the sickle cell mutation is on (sixle cell). I will spare everyone the long tirade on why cafes are among the best locations in the world (right next to san francisco. and iceland. and the yarn aisle at michael’s.), but one of the biggest reasons why I love cafes so much is because they are one of the few places where it is mildly acceptable (or at the very least expected) to listen in on nearby goings-ons. Before you all start judging me, let me just say that I am not a very nosy person (except when i’m at a cafe, then i am most definitely a very nosy person). That being said, what follows are some of the more memorable things I’ve heard drinking my tea at a cafe counter (teavesdropping?).

‘Jonathan is just the worst.’

Most of what you’ll overhear at a cafe are some variety of a date (even if they don’t know it yet 😉 ), but every once in awhile, you’ll stumble upon a break-up or post break-up debrief with the BFF, like last month, when the girl sitting next to me was telling her friend about how Jonathan had just broken up with her. It was all pretty run of the mill until PLOT TWIST: Jonathan was going to pay for her to go to the North Pole, and since they’d separated, she needed to find someone else to fund what I can only assume to be a woefully misguided attempt to visit Santa Claus. Why Jonathan had agreed to subsidize such an endeavor in the first place was beyond the scope of the conversation, but needless to say the relationship ended badly and tearfully, and there’s pretty much a consensus that she is an amazing beyond amazing survivor and Jonathan is the absolute worst human being ever.

‘Football is just, like, so confusing. Could you explain it to me?’

By far the most cookie cutter blind date I’ve ever eavesdropped on. I know I’m not one to criticize, seeing as I am deathly terrified of first dates in all shapes and forms (#bachelortiltherapture) and lack the courage to go on them, but as I sat there with earbuds on, bobbing my head, pretending to listen to music but actually listening to a guy spend 15 minutes explaining who Tom Brady was to the head tilting, vocal frying girl across from him, I had to suppress a very visceral eye-roll. Unfortunately, I left before the date concluded and either of them had a chance to ask about a second date, but there was talk of Laser Tag, so I’m hopeful.

‘Just as you knit these stitches together, so shall you knit together the hearts of your friends and family.’

On one of the rare occasions when I was just knitting at a cafe, minding my own business, this guy on his way out stops, walks up to me (led by the holy spirit obvi), and prophesizes over me. He left me somewhat jarred and skeptical, but seeing as how this happened over 5 years ago, before I even considered going to medical school, it turns out I’m 1 for 1 in terms of prophesies fulfilled–a success rate rivaling that of Jesus Christ himself (bonus points if i actually go into cardiothoracic surgery in 2 years). I’m not entirely sure how the residency match algorithm works, but there’s gotta be a variable in there for divine intervention, right?

TL;DR: Eavesdropping is rude (but informative), cafes are holy places, and if a guy named Jonathan ever tries to buy you a drink, he’s a complete flake and will drop you in a heartbeat.

***The word ‘eavesdrop’ refers to the place outside one’s house where water drops from the eaves of the roof–the same place where one would stand in order to hear what is being said inside the house.


2 thoughts on “Crazy cable beanies and the north pole

  1. I found your pattern on Ravelry and love it, thanks…….then the pattern lead me to your blog…….and laugh and laugh, still laughing……you are too funny… the blog is beyond greatness….good luck with your edu and continue to enjoy your cafe experiences. Happy Holidays

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